Mu Amongst Fools: A Drabble from the Death of Light Yagami
Finally the floodgates released on that dammed emotion; overwhelming in the enormity of its hurt.
No brain here to match my own. Nothing coming close. Not even Near with his lucky one-off battle win coming courtesy of his back-up, Mello - now dead, consigned to puppetry in pretence of his continued presence. The rest of them laughable. Mute, sheeplike faces staring sullen at my flooring. Coarse feeling showing as life in their expressions, sparked by whatever passed for thought amongst these people. They dared flashes of pity?! Wincing smiles under cringing gazes; standing stock still, stances wooden like scarecrows stuffed into suits. As if this was something distasteful to endure in bearing witness.
It is! It was a disaster for humankind and the world; a precipitant crisis of untold proportions. I was going to save them! I was going to lead them to a better place. A world of security, hope and happiness for all I deemed worthy to continue in my Utopia.
Idiots! Fools! Trash! Without the intelligence to see what I was to them; what I could have been! I had to live amongst folk like this. My entire life crushed, drained and in despair of a decent conversation. None with a mind fast enough for interest; mine weaving waves of association, diversion, endless depths of academic inquiry around the shallow scratching of their deepest considerations. Pre-empting all they would say, as many moves ahead as the keenest chess champion. Bored out of my brain.
My parents proud of my achievements. My mother clucking over pieces of paper, like that which named me as the highest ranking student in all Japan. As if it was something good - a blessing and a boon. It was not. It merely confirmed that none of my nation's peers could hold their own in discussion nor debate with me. Too depressing to wonder if that extended to other age groups too. Whether another generation held someone able to speak with me without banality in my own language. And if not, to which country might I travel to engage in a decent conversation, a true meeting of minds worth traversing the globe to seek out? Such accolades as the best ranked student weren't a blessing. They were a debilitating curse.
For an instant, a vision of L dances before my outcast inner gaze, and I scoff. Close, but no cigar. If he was the greatest thinker the whole world could offer, then I was truly sunk. I beat him. I won. Superseded the best into the gaping loneliness of nothing much to divert me. Alone with my intellect and the stupefying craving for companionship. To find someone fit to divert me; inspire, teach, conspire, keep pace with me.
Nothing. No-one. And those that stare down at me now do so with pity?! Or pique - that I understand and glory within - but pity?! No. Understand what you've lost; that you crucified your Messiah this day. Do that before attempting the higher philosophies in deigning to pity me. with your pathetic minds like peasants seeking to substitute finer feeling for thought. You lost me. You lost.
Ryuk snarling sentiments about the rejection of Heaven and Hell. No human pseudo-shinigami can pass into those hallowed Afterworlds; those who used the Death Note get only Mu. Nothingness. Emptiness. The unreality of never having existed at all.
Idiot. Chattering, slathering idiot.
I've already been there. A whole lifetime spent in training for the death. And I can conceive more in a second than you will through all eternity. You lost, and you are going to be so bored in the prison of immortality. I won.
For more Death Note fan-fiction by Matti, check out He Moves Me Differently - website for the It Matters series - back in her comfort zone of Mello and Matt novels and related stories.